Frozen Play Doh Icecream Finger Family Song 3

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behind the blog: a relationship Q+A

I hope you all had a lovely weekend, whether you celebrated Valentine's Day or not. Husband and I actually don't - we celebrate February 13th instead, because it is the anniversary of the night we met. this year we marked the occasion by hiking Elephant Mountain together and indulging in some tabletop Japanese barbecue. the weather this past week in Taipei has been gorgeous and sunny - pretty much perfect for a hike - and somehow I hadn't yet managed to drag him up that mountain.

my mind is pretty boggled to think it's been twelve years since that night on Beal Street, when two Michigan State freshmen met after a certain gentleman slipped down a flight of stairs thanks to the slushy, snowy weather. I don't think either of us could have predicted then what kinds of adventures life had in store for us. but eventually we ended up here. which is a pretty good place to be.

with all the anniversary and love business going on, it seemed like an opportune moment to answer some of your questions relating to Husband and I, and our relationship. first I want to clear up one thing that is often asked and for some reason I haven't shared: Husband's real name. it's Luke.

go ahead and do the arithmetic - our last name is Walker. take a moment if you need, but it probably makes a lot more sense now that we are both big Star Wars nerds right?

now that that's out of the way... I have more of your questions to answer below. I've combined and reworded a few things but hopefully stayed within the spirit of what was being asked. let me know if you have any more expat or travel questions down in the comments. and because I'm me, there's also some unrelated photos involved [from the gardens on Lake Wakatipu in Queenstown.] so, enjoy:

whose idea was it to move abroad?

Luke had always talked about wanting to spend a few years teaching abroad - so I guess his idea originally. I was open to the concept, but pretty particular on where I thought I wanted to live. Taiwan was definitely not on my list. about a year after we were married though, I was getting really frustrated with my work and was stressed out and unhappy all the time. he was teaching in the Philadelphia public school system then, and was going to lose his job due to budget cuts. I wanted to leave and he couldn't stay - so we signed up for an international teaching job fair.

how did you decide on Taiwan?

once we started looking at job openings, we realized that the most opportunities [and best cost of living to salary ratios] were located in Asia. Luke interviewed with several schools at the job fair. of the options available to us at the time we had to decide - Taiwan seemed like the best fit. in retrospect, it was a great choice we made. despite the occasional expat struggles, we are happy here. we've been able to pay off our debt, save for retirement, and travel the world.

what does your Husband teach?

Luke is a Social Studies teacher at an international high school, which follows an American curriculum [as most of the students are applying to go to university in the US.] World History has been his main course for a while, though over the years he has covered everything under Social Studies from Economics to African American History. he has such a wide variety of knowledge - I am constantly surprised when he rattles off some in-depth information on a place we're traveling to or some situation I'd never heard of. and he's always wanting to learn more. I think this is the part where I'm supposed to brag about what a dedicated and amazing teacher he is, in addition to being a Fulbright scholar and holding a Master's of Education from an Ivy League university, right?

why didn't you decide to teach in Taiwan as well?

I did consider becoming certified to teach when we moved abroad. but with the program being longer than our initial contract, it seemed silly to just dive in without knowing if I actually wanted to teach full time or how long we would stay abroad. I also thought about privately tutoring students or teaching English at a cram school [a place where kids go after regular school for English lessons.] those jobs are widely available here, and the reason why many English speakers move abroad.

I tested the educational waters by doing a lot of substitute teaching at our last school, for almost all grade levels 1-12. I also taught a non-academic blogging course for 2 hours per week [to some really great students!] and gave conversational English lessons to a few of the local teachers. but despite that, teaching isn't my passion. I'm lucky that Luke is supportive [and our situation financially viable] and I don't have to work just for the money.

how has moving abroad changed your relationship?

I think moving abroad was the best thing that we've done for our marriage. I can say without doubt that our relationship is stronger now than ever. but it certainly wasn't easy. we had a lot of challenges to face: from adjusting to being a single-income household to culture shock. and all at the same time. this experience has changed both of us, and we've been lucky that as we grow as individuals we can still grow together.

being an expat can be isolating. yes, we've made friends here and do our best to keep in touch with family and those back in the states. but we had to learn how to rely on and support each other - through situations we'd never imagined. food poisoning. job hunting. scooter crashes. mysterious allergies. writing a book. grieving a family member while not being able to travel home. through these trials we might not have otherwise experienced, we've grown closer and stronger, and learned to be more honest with one another.

how do you survive traveling together?

I think the most important thing is learning how to effectively communicate your needs. whether it's half an hour of alone time at the pool or a coffee break, you have to say what you want. your partner is not a mind reader. it also helps if you do your best to take care of those needs on your own - I always travel with snacks because I know I will be hungry. [and hunger leads to hanger, and no one wants to deal with that on vacation!]

our travel styles don't completely jive - I'm a spreadsheet-making planner and Luke is more "roll with it" - but over time we have found ways to work both into our trips. I know I need to speak up if there is something particular I have to do or see, but also try to leave room in the schedule for aimless wandering and spontaneous stops for ice cream. we also have come to accept it's ok not to spend every moment together. I don't mind if he wants to relax in the hotel and watch a movie while I go to the beach and take pictures. we both get to do what we want and everyone's happy.

when are you going to move home and have babies?

mom, was this you? first I should say that those events won't necessarily happen in that order. when I first told people we were moving abroad, the question I was asked most was: are you going to have a baby? that concept was a pretty scary to me then. but my opinion has changed with time, and after meeting so many incredible expat parents and their amazing internationally-minded and multi-lingual children. having a baby while we are still living in Taiwan is definitely possible.

but as far as when we might move back to America - this is actually a pretty difficult question. Luke and I have obviously discussed this, at length and in depth. we definitely miss a lot of things and people from the states... but there are also a lot of great things about our life here. the best answer I can give is: when it's right for us. [whether that's before or after babies, only time will tell.]

phew. I hope you enjoyed this peek into our lives! and again, feel free to leave any other questions below for me to answer later on :)

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hiking Auckland's volcano: Rangitoto Island

while researching things to do while staying in Auckland, we found that we could take ferry boats to several nearby islands. one of which just happened to be a dormant volcano. sunshine, city views, lava caves... a day trip to Rangitoto Island was a no-brainer.

the trail was relatively easy, winding through lava fields half grown over by New Zealand's crazy amazing and diverse plant life. [you guys don't even want to know how many plant photos I took this day that didn't make the cut for this post, trust me.]

we made it to the peak in about an hour, where we were greeted with a stunning 360 view. the city of Auckland is just across the way - apparently some visitors choose to visit Rangitoto via a 2 hour kayak from downtown. [nope, we took the ferry.]

we ate our picnic lunches at the top, though we made a hasty departure once we discovered a swarm of bees was hanging around the area.

on our way back down we detoured to the lava caves. I did not actually go in the caves, as it involved scraping yourself though a narrow and dark passage where there were no lights. people kept emerging from the opening, dirty and wide-eyed, claiming that you couldn't see anything anyway.

we did go through a lava trench or tunnel... maybe not as cool-sounding as a lava cave but less likely to twist an ankle or concuss yourself in the dark.

we reached the ferry dock with a few moments to spare. while the rest of our crew took a break, I ran off to take a few last photos of the trail and coast. I was maybe a little obsessed with New Zealand's blue skies and blue water. and the mountains and... well, everything.

tips for hiking Rangitoto

we took the Fullers ferry to the island from Auckland, a 25 minute ride that departs 3 times per day. keep the boat times in mind or else you'll be waiting a loooong time. I didn't notice anywhere to buy food, so pack a lunch and snacks, and bring plenty of water. and just like anywhere in NZ you will most definitely be wanting sunglasses and sunscreen.

ps: there's still time to ask me your questions about Husband, expat life, Taiwan, etc. use this form or just ask in the comments below!

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a very special Chinese New Year dinner

the streets of Taipei are quiet, and the air still full of last night's firecracker smoke. the city is decked out in red and gold to celebrate. the year of the monkey has begun, Xin Nian Kuai Le!

another expat recently told me that attending a Chinese New Year Eve dinner is as essential to understanding Taiwanese culture as it would be for a visitor to the US to experience Thanksgiving and Christmas. lucky for us, our friend Sharon and her grandparents invited us and a few other friends for dinner this weekend. you may recall her grandmother cooking us a huge Taiwanese feast last year - needless to say we were excited to attend.

[please note that any cultural inaccuracies here are due to my faulty memory or misunderstanding]

while we waited for dinner to be ready and snacked on candy and rice puffs, we discussed the Chinese Zodiac and got a rundown on all the things we should do to prepare for the new year. your house should be cleaned ahead of time, because any sweeping or washing [even laundry] done on New Year's Day could wipe away your good luck. it's also a good idea to put away all your clothes and not leave anything hanging - this ensures the year ahead will go smoothly.

[and yes, when I got home I made sure to tidy up and put away all my laundry.]

other traditions include hanging red and gold signs around the house - the one at the top of this post is the character for "spring." except it is hung upside-down because the word for "upside-down" sounds similar to "arrive." since Chinese New Year is also the Spring Festival, I bet you can guess what that means. [this is sometimes also done with the character for "good luck" in order to help bring fortune.]

red and other bright colors are lucky, whereas you should avoid wearing black and white. white in particular is considered the color of mourning in Taiwan. eating peanuts helps add to your longevity, and consuming sweet things on New Years Day will bring you sweetness throughout the year. one more important food rule: never finish off the last of a dish. leaving food left over means that in the coming year you will always have more than enough.

and with the 12 course meal that grandma cooked for us, that was not a problem!

the lunar new year is celebrated in a lot of asian cultures, though most commonly people call it Chinese New Year. some traditions are the same, and some are different. Sharon's uncle gave us a bit of family history - their ancestors came over from the Fuijan Province of China some 300 years ago and settled along the Tamsui River in Taipei. grandma and grandpa are 6th or 7th generation, so all the food here was very Taiwanese. and obviously, very delicious.

there were vegetarian, pork, and seafood bites - rolled in tofu or sometimes made into balls and fried. a plate full of pork liver and chicken and pig's stomach was balanced out with a serving of fresh vegetables. the braised pork dish with eggs was one of our favorites. I recommend spooning a helping with extra broth over your rice to soak up the goodness. I'm not the only one to endorse this method - as grandpa said when he saw one of us doing it "that's how I know you're Taiwanese!"

there was fried tofu with braised root vegetables, pork knuckle, and vegetables with jellyfish. and another version of one of the dishes we ate on our last visit: buddha jumps over the wall. this dish contains all kinds of ingredients, from taro root to tiny eggs. and earns its name by being so delicious "that even Buddha himself would jump over a wall to eat some."

another large steaming bowl contained fish stew, and somehow I missed getting a photo of the soup with rice noodles. but the chicken with chestnuts was another of my favorites. the nuts soaked up all the flavor and I couldn't hep but keep sneaking a few more onto my plate. I also confess I ate about half the plate of the cucumber salad above. I'm not sure what the clear jelly-like strands were [some kind of root or vegetable] but the dish was crisp and refreshing and... well, really really tasty!

some of the ingredients may have been unfamiliar, but it felt like any other family holiday meal - listen to tales from your grandparent's past, have some beer, laugh a lot, accidentally get into a political conversation with your uncle, eat until you are stuffed. we even had musical performances by both grandma [singing in Chinese along with her iPad] and grandpa [belting out German tunes when we asked about his travels there.] the company was just as good as the food.

and when you think you can't eat another bite or your chair might collapse underneath you - which might have happened to one of us at this dinner - grandma will bring out dessert.

in this case, dessert was a special cake made with rice, traditionally eaten for Chinese New Year and shaped like an opening flower to signify spring. the name of the cake is fa gao, which sounds like fa cai, meaning: to become prosperous. there were also platters of fruit, birthday cake, and possibly my new favorite Taiwanese dessert: nian gao.

nian gao is a cake made from sugar and glutinous rice flour. we ate it cut into small pieces and pan fried, though it can also be baked in the oven. the outside was caramelized and crispy and the inside was warm and gooey. I loved it so much that grandma sent me home with my very own! nian gao is eaten at New Year's because the name sounds similar to "growing taller" and means something like getting a promotion.

I think it was at this point in the evening that grandpa also proved he is smarter than all of us by correctly estimating the population of San Marino - the tiny country in the mountains of Italy which he visited 40 years ago. this feat was more impressive given that we had someone at our table who had spent much of his life living Italy. but, apparently Google and grandpa are always right!

while I certainly don't feel I'm an expert on local culture now, I'm so glad I was able to have this special experience with Chinese New Year Eve in Taiwan.

after dinner and before we left, grandma showed us where she was preparing her offering for the altar in their home: bowls of leftover rice and three sets of carefully stacked oranges. I felt so honored that she would take the time to share this, on top of all the lovely hospitality she had already shown us by opening up her home. being away from family as an expat can be difficult. but having friends and their family be so welcoming makes me want to fling out my arms in a "happy, so happy" kind of gesture.

Happy New Year, friends.

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